I have an unstable knowledge and assurance of self.
I feel like I know pretty much who I am, and since I am only seventeen, I'm more or less positive that this will COMPLETELY change in a matter of a few short years.

But I don't want it to.

I had such low self-esteem for such a long time, that being able to wake up and not absolutely loathe the person in the mirror 100% of the time is an absolute miracle.
I like who I am now, and I haven't been able to say that in years.

I know that I'm not going to change until I want to... and until its right for me... and I know that whatever/whoever I change in to will be a reflection of who I am at the time, and therefore I'll be okay with whoever I am (or, at least I like to think so.)
And I know that being a 40-year-old women and still doing half the things I do now, would not exactly be smiled upon in society...

but it scares me. I don't ever want to be boring. I don't ever want to not have friends. I don't ever want anyone to look at me and feel sorry for me. I don't want to be the old woman using her walker in walmart who drops her soap and can't pick it up.
I would rather die now, I think.

I wish there were a way to push a button and see a preview for the future, just so I know that it exists, and that everything will be, in a sense, okay.

I wish someone cared.