The Calendar Hung Itself

I need some meaning I can memorize.

Each day I realize a little more that I'm no longer friends with my friends.
On the weekends I just lay on the grass outside and watch the clouds go by.
I'm probably crazy, but at least I'm happy.

Maybe its a teenage thing.

I hate being looked down upon for my age, for my peers... but I know that I'll eventually do the same thing... so I guess I don't mind it too much.

So, what's new? Nothing, really. But at the same time, absolutely everything. School seems to be a waste of time and effort, though I know getting an education is important... and it has its moments.
My family is pretty normal. Sort of. We never fight. I don't think that's normal. We don't talk much, but when we do, its surprisingly plesant. I quite enjoy it. I'm at the point now where I enjoy hanging out with my parents more than I enjoy going to those stupid parties.
Which, at 17, seems a little strange... but hey, my parents are cool people... and if I go to DePauw next fall like I want to... then I'll rarely ever get to see them.

Part of me wishes I was a senior this year, so that I could be done with all of this high-school business. But I'm glad that I have another year... because I know that I'm going to miss this place and these people. Besides, I'm not ready to grow up just yet. I still need my parents, and my friends, and a place to sleep at night.

There are certain people in my life right now whom I feel sorry for. I'm not going to drop names or analyze their situations in an internet blog. I just haven't been very available lately, so I'd like them to know that I'm thinking of them. I think they know who they are.

I seem to be living in my head a lot. I walk around with my headphones on, assuming that everyone else can hear the same songs and understand and feel them like I do... and just know what I feel like.
I'm so use to not talking to anyone, that its weird to carry on conversations now.

I'm getting my prom dress in New York City. But I'm only getting one if I decide to go. And I'm only going to go if Steve goes with me. And I'm only going to ask Steve if I find a dress... and some confidence.
See how this is a viscious circle?

My mom suggested that I ask Chris, too. He would probably say yes... but I think it would be weird... so we'll have to see, I guess.
I really need to do some self-improvement in the next few weeks.

I really need to do some homework right now.

Honestly, I only update this thing to see the profile view count go up.
I'm quite shallow.

But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love is an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me."